


You are loved

by snowflake777



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Panic Attacks, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Like, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Keith (Voltron), Wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23682427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowflake777/pseuds/snowflake777
Summary: Keith was allergic to any kind of touch. He would snap at anyone who'd touch him. The problem was so bad that he had to see Dr. Takahashi Shirogane for years.Lance, his housemate, just broke up with Allura and Keith found out something that he never imagined.
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 418





	You are loved

**Author's Note:**

> Some fair warnings:
> 
> I'm not a professional in any way so I apologize in advance if there's something factually incorrect here.
> 
> Special thanks to my friend who helped me brainstormed when I was stuck xD.

“Good morning, Keith,” he greeted warmly. “Please, take a seat.”

The office was comfortably familiar to a normal household. Two cozy couches put in front of a glass wall that revealed mesmerizing skyscrapers at night and a curtain to close it in case one of his patients are scared of heights. Various self-help and psychology related books organized behind the desk that’s filled with paperworks. Small pots of plants in the corner of the room.

Keith closed the door behind him and sinked in the couch. He’s been in this room for several times and even though he had a few bad memories here, honestly, he didn’t mind coming to this place to have a light chat with his psychologist. He’s been seeing Dr. Takahashi Shirogane since he was a legal adult.

“Good morning, doc.”

He flipped through Keith’s file and notes for a few second and put them away. “How are you feeling today, Keith?”

The weather’s nice today. Natural sunlight from the glass wall shone the room in a dim light. It reflected his overall mood. “I’m good.”

They went through the usual process. Shiro asked for an update on his recovery plan and how he’s feeling about the progress so far. It was going very well than Keith had expected.

The first time he came here, he was a mess. Keith yelled at anyone who came too close to him and even threw tantrums when someone made skin contact, intentional or not. It was hell to everyone around and to himself. Nobody wanted to step on his bad side and at the end they all gave up on Keith, except for one idiot.

Every time anyone touched him, his skin crawled with extreme irrational fear and discomfort. As if somebody had put corrosive acid on it and flowed throughout his whole body. His instincts screamed with alarm, making him reflexively defend himself in a harsh way. It never ended well, especially if the person tried to help him but didn’t know.

Keith didn’t know how he became like this in the first place. It had always been apart of his life. According to his papers, he was taken from his old house because of an extreme child abuse. He didn’t remember the specific details that happened between his dad and him when he was four years old, he could only recall  _ horrifying  _ feelings from it.

But that was all in the past behind Keith. He used to be allergic to physical contact, but now he could manage to close the distance and have some friendly contact like handshakes or a high five with people he knew, except with one idiot.

Shiro complimented on his progress and smiled in genuine happiness for Keith. It’s contagious, so Keith smiled too. After he shared some thoughts on how far he’d come, Shiro suggested that he should take another step forward with physical contact if he’s ready. Something more than a light, quick touch. A hug. He also mentioned to do it with someone he’s comfortable with.

Their session ended and Keith was left contemplating on his own again throughout the week. Maybe he’s ready to take another step, but the problem is, he didn’t have that many people that he’s close with.

People say Hunk give out the best hugs, but they’re only acquainted through someone. They’re not that close. Pidge, also an acquaintance, was married to science and seemed rigid with straightforward affections in general. It’s unethical for a psychologist to touch their clients so Shiro was not in the option. He didn’t have anyone left in his choice.

Except for one idiot.

“Lance, did you steal my red jacket again?!” Keith shouted from their closet, holding a sticky note with a wink and xoxo written on it.

It had been a few days since previous session and he still didn’t know who he could be comfortable with.

“The date with Allura went well, thank you for asking!” Lance’s shout was muffled by the walls.

Keith took the note with him and stormed Lance's room. “I told you to not wear it on your dates!”

“Chill, dude, I left a note, didn’t stain it with coffee again and didn’t get into an accident because of it.” He raised both his hands up to stretch, head dangling off the bed and feet spread across the wall while still wearing a red jacket.

Keith sighed and rubbed his face. “You can’t just- argh, fine. Come here, I’m going outside with it.”

Lance, his housemate, had always get on his nerves. Keith was forever grateful for his family to let him share a place with Lance near their college, even if it meant living with him. He didn’t hate Lance. Lance just knew how to push his buttons on the right time, it annoyed Keith. He didn’t knows why.

Lance was a walking turbulence, especially when they first met in freshman year. He ignored people’s warning about Keith and declared rivalry with him then say “the name’s Lance” with a smug face. Of course, the pat on Keith’s back was the result of his oblivious nature. It startled Keith, knocking off his homework which was due in a few minutes and flew out the window. The books floated in the school’s pond, with smudges of ink on it when he got it back.

He couldn’t stop apologizing and treated him a drink after school. Keith watched him fiddling with his straw. Dim warm light from the sunset glowed from the wide window onto his tan skin, showing features that Keith didn’t notice before like how strong his jawline is, his hair strands fell as he moved his head slightly and his long eyelashes softens like strings of spiderwebs. Lance was looking down at his strawberry smoothie. His ocean eyes blended well together with the orange light, the colours swam together in his irises.

He was caught staring by the boy and he teased Keith about liking his “smooth baby skin”. Keith stood up, thanked for the drink and left, leaving Lance dumbfounded.

Since the little incident, Lance followed Keith everywhere. They studied together, ate lunch together, got into detention together for throwing papers at each other during class (worth it). They quickly became friends before Keith realised it.

They had quite a journey. Lance was the one who pushed Keith to go into therapy. It took some  _ minor  _ blackmails (Lance still has Keith’s old tumblr page screenshots which included poems he made about hippos), but he was glad he went along with Lance’s game. If it weren’t for him, Keith would’ve stayed the same or possibly in an even worse condition.

Still, Lance managed to irritate him in every creative possible ways. He just  _ can’t  _ with this cuban boy.

“Where are you going?” He sat upright with crossed legs.

Keith zipped close his jacket. “Library. I’m borrowing some books for reference.”

“Cool, I’ll come with you.” He went to change his clothes.

“Aren’t you going to snapchat date her for the night?”

Lance stripped his pyjamas, struggling to change as fast as he could. Keith stubbornly looked away and was failing at it. “Uh, yeah, I broke up wi-  _ umph.” _ He fell on the floor while wearing his jeans.

“What? I thought you guys are doing well? What happened?” They’ve been dating for a few months, the longest Lance had ever sticked with. He thought they would last at least a year.

They fell silent for a moment as Lance finished changing. It’s rare to see Lance quiet and thoughtful like this, eyes unfocused and proud shoulders slouched. It unsettled him. Something was wrong.

“It didn’t feel right.”

He suppressed the weird relief on his shoulders. “Lance, you said that with the last four exes ever since we met.” 

Lance’s eyes met Keith’s. There was something in his blue gaze that Keith couldn’t put it into words. His mouth opened ever so slightly. It looked like he had a thousand words to say. Maybe the break up upsetted him more than Keith realised?

“What can I say?” He shrugged. “I’m the loverboy Lance.” Instead of saying something about the elephant in the room, Keith let it slide for this time. They walked outside together.

~~~~~~

Keith was confused. That’s one way to put it. He realized that he has this urge to hit Lance playfully, especially when they’re alone together. He didn’t want to touch Lance. Not because he was uncomfortable anymore, but because he, well, he just didn’t want to. Yeah, he’s very confused why.

He would step on Lance’s foot randomly and poke his side, catching him off guard. Thanks to that, now he knew Lance’s weak spot. Sometimes Lance would look at him surprised because of that, but he didn’t say anything.

“I see. You’re saying that you feel comfortable around Lance and it seems like you’re initiating light contact with him. That’s great, Keith.” Shiro beamed. He jotted down some quick notes.

Keith melted and sighed against the cushy couch, his limbs were sucked in. “Yeah, but…”

Why was he hesitating when he’s so comfortable around Lance?

“Is there something wrong?” He prodded when Keith didn’t continue his sentence.

“It’s like,” he started, choosing the right words to say, “I don’t wanna be with him.”

He wanted to but at the same time he didn’t want to. When Lance came home from his dates, he didn’t want to. When Lance talked cried about missing his family, he wanted to. When Lance smiled at him playfully while stealing his socks again, he wanted to. When Keith had another one of his anxious nights, he wanted to. When Keith see Lance flirting with a person, he didn’t want to.

“Go on.” Shiro visibly relaxed his gaze on Keith, intently listening.

It’s always a push and pull when it came to Lance. Confused was the only word to describe his feelings.

“I don’t know, doc. He’s annoying sometimes, but I can’t hate him.”

Shiro hummed in understanding and looked through his notes. “You mentioned that Lance tend to get out on dates, how does that make you feel?”

_ Huh.  _ He didn’t really put much thought in that before. Everytime Lance went out with someone that caught his interest, he’s left in their house. It’s like Lance was out of reach. Which was weird because he clearly wasn’t going anywhere and they’re still friends.

He met Allura coincidentally some days ago and chatted for awhile. She was looking at Keith with gratefulness. Which was weird because he didn’t recall doing anything significant for her. Since Lance didn’t want to talk about it, he asked her why they broke up out of curiosity.

Her answer was “I don’t think it’s my place to answer that.”

He genuinely thought they would be great together. Out of all the women Lance wooed, she didn’t take Lance all to herself like the others. Sometimes the girl he dated demanded his attention so much, Lance frantically had to divide his time carefully between spending it with Keith and her.

“I felt… alone?”

Shiro looked at him for a good minute. He leaned his elbows against his knees. “Keith, I’ve known you for five years,” he said, “and from what I gather about how you feel towards Lance is probably different than you think it is.”

“What is it?” Keith said.

“You’re in love with him.”

~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


There were nights where Keith couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t even stay still on the bed. At night, everything felt more apparent to him. From the rumbling sound of vehicles occasionally passing by to the little stuff in his room he didn’t realise it was there. Rather than building up more anxious energy under the blankets, he walked outside with just his boxers. A warm tea would be nice right now.

He poured the hot water and an instant tea into the cup, stirring it lazily. The water swirled in his watch in the dark. He never cared to see what time it was whenever he couldn’t sleep. It’s nice to feel the world still and quiet at these times.

He tried to come up with a way he could hug Lance without actually asking it. As close as they were, he felt… strange asking from it Lance. 

Keith wanted to absentmindedly stretching then putting a hand behind Lance as they watched a movie on the couch, but Lance could  _ never  _ sit on the couch like a normal person. He’d either  _ sprawl  _ on it with a feet pointing up or sit on the very top of it like a damn cat.

There were some attempts like pretending to not notice that Keith hugged Lance in the midst of an excitement (Lance was moving too much for Keith to catch him) or accidentally fall of together (Keith was not doing this again. He ended up falling off on his own in a garbage can), but they all failed. he also thought of doing it while he slept, yet the problem was Lance never slept outside his room or at least during Keith’s attempts.

The lights turned on and it stung so he squinted his eyes.

“ _ Jesu-  _ Keith! I thought someone broke in.” Lance dropped his house slipper to the floor.

Keith wasn’t wearing any shirt and Lance was here with the lights turned on. He had to go.  _ Crap.  _ Lance was blocking his way out of the kitchen. There’s nothing he could grab to hide his-

“Keith… ” Lance said with a sympathetic tone.

His healed skin stood out in bright pink-ish colour scattered all around his chest and back. There were long, fast slashes remains between his shoulder blades. Unnatural skin bumps across his chest to his stomach with various skin colour splotched everywhere.

Keith never wanted to keep secrets from him, but his scars were the last thing he wanted Lance to see. It would bring attention that made him … uneasy or maybe even anxious.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lance knew his past was awful but he didn’t knew how bad it was. Keith wanted to tell him but at the same time it felt on edge if he did. Even Shiro took two years of poking and prodding Keith until he opened up. He didn’t remember what exactly painted those on his skin anyway. They came from a very young age and Keith couldn’t make them disappear.

“Why should I? It’s none of your business.”

Hurt flashed at Lance’s expression. Keith realised the words that just slipped out of mouth.

“Oh,” Lance looked away, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

No, he didn’t mean that way. His body stunned in place. His mouth wouldn’t move. He wanted- he had to say something to him. The cup under his palm grew cold.

“Well, I guess I’m going back to bed. Good night.” Lance turned away and walked to his room. As the door clicked shut, Keith snapped.

What has he done? All Lance was trying to do was to help him and Keith pushed him away like his old self would’ve done.

Did he even change?

Was he just lying to himself all these times that he made progress? Could he even change? Five years. Five years of constant work on himself and therapy, he hadn’t even  _ hug  _ a single person. He’s still the same.

_ Why won’t you learn? _

Keith drained his cold tea down into the sink and washed the cup. He didn’t sleep at all that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first, it was only a thought. It was looming in the background over Keith's mind and didn't do much. At first, he thought it would disappear. But apparently seeds grow when they're watered on the ground.

He couldn't muster the courage to talk to Lance about that night and Lance hadn't mention anything. What was Keith supposed to say? That he was being rude? What if Lance would never forgive him? What if Lance brush it off like it never happened and then everything about their relationship changed? Or he didn't want to talk about it? Because he seemed to be avoiding Keith. Or was it Keith?

They're still acting like usual, but something is off around Lance lately. He couldn't figure out what else bothered him except for his break up and that night's incident. But he wasn't whining at Keith like he did with his previous break ups, which meant he was deeply bothered by it or he had forgotten it.

Fear blossomed to his head, making up multiple scenarios that ignited the feeling ever stronger. It affected his comfortable dynamic with Lance into something out of his character. They spent less time with each other. Either Lance got out of the house early to go to class or Keith locked himself in his room at night. Lance tried to have a conversation with him like usual for several times, but it felt different.

He noticed himself giving in more than usual at arguments, for the thought that Lance would be even more mad at him. He noticed how he's scared to ask him for help anymore. He noticed himself distancing from Lance.

The worst part was how  _ horrified  _ again he felt when they lightly bumped at the shoulder once.

He really hadn't changed from his old self. From that moment to another, the feeling grew and grew. He started to avoid people again. Maybe he's wrong, but as soon as his gut clenched when he high fived with Pidge, he knew he's back to square one.

What was the point of of him trying in the first place? He wasted his efforts. It's pointless. He could never change. He'll never learn.

"Keith," Shiro said with a careful voice, "you said that you're fine but you seem to be bothered by something. Do you want to talk about that?"

He glanced at the closed curtains draped across the wall. Outside light glowed through the curtains, spilling dim blue light to the couches, floor, pots, and the rest of the room.

"I think I'm back to my old self."

"And why is that?"

Keith shifted. "I can't stand being touched again."

For a moment, Keith thought Shiro would be mad at him for relapsing back to the start after years of progress or show some disappointment. But much to his surprise, Shiro nodded and calmly said, "That's a perfectly normal stage of recovery, Keith. It's okay to fall down again from time to time. But with each fall, your strength to get back up faster will grow."

"But what if I don't get up?"

"You'll find it out eventually," he smiled like he knew something that Keith didn't know. "Just remember, the difference between now and then is that you’re not alone anymore.”

Despite what Shiro had said made perfect sense, Keith couldn't stop himself from hyperventilating the day after his session. The seed of fear that he diligently ignored grew into his head. He was supposed to be studying with Lance in the library, but he cancelled it because he wasn’t feeling good. But that was a bad idea, apparently. He should’ve went there to distract himself. 

Now here he was in his room’s bathroom desperately trying not to spiral out of control.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he chanted over and over again until it turns into incoherent mumbles. “You’re fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. Calm down. Calm dow-  _ shit.” _ Tears blurred his vision as he slammed the cold tiles with a strained, trembling fist. His heart raced with his disoriented up thought. He couldn’t for the life of him control his breathing and because of that white spots in his eyes showed up and his head started to feel light.

He perfectly knew that there’s absolutely  _ nothing  _ bad was happening to him. But what if he’s lying to himself all these times and people secretly hated hi-  _ No.  _ They wouldn’t do that. Lance wouldn’t do that. And yet he hurt Lance. Had he changed? This was stupid. He was stupid to hope he could change. He  _ was  _ changing. What was he talking about? The fact he could manage light touches and poked Lance was the proof that he was improving.  _ But he couldn’t do it again. _

“Keith?”

_ Crap. _

“Keith? Bud? Are you in there? The show is on, do you wanna watch it together?”

Go away. Go away.

The door knob twisted. He forgot to lock the door. He was too caught up he forgot Lance was still in the house. Keith rushed to close the door but he was too late. Lance’s eyes widen as they saw each other.

“Hey,” he gently said, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing," His voice trembled, avoiding Lance’s gaze "jus' leave me alone.". The exit was blocked by him. He couldn’t run away. Lance, please just  _ go away. _

With nothing said between them, he froze in place with tears still flowing out and lungs barely moving. Was he mad at him? Keith kept pushing him away, distancing himself without an explanation. He should be mad at him. Keith heard him shifting his weight to the other foot.

“Keith,” he said, “I don't know what's going on, but you don't have to carry it all by yourself."

He looked up at the blue concerned eyes, still hanging by the door frame with hands slightly hovering and twitching to reach Keith, to touch Keith. Did he? Did he want Lance to do it? For all he knew, he wanted to be  _ alone.  _ He was vulnerable and exposed. Fear took him whole, tangling his mind further. He wanted to curl up into safety somewhere.

"Well maybe I was  _ meant  _ to be alone." Keith clenched the hem of his shirt.

"What? No-"

"Have I even change the slightest?!" He shouted. His chest ached, heaving and hitching his breaths as he choked more tears. "No matter how much I try, I'm losing- I lose control and push everyone away and I  _ hurt  _ you."

"That's-"

“Just leave me alone, Lance!"

Keith stepped back, gritting his teeth until it sores his jaw. Lance didn't flinch the slightest at his remark. His eyes drooped and face relaxed more than before. It almost looked like tears were going to fall too.

This was it. Lance would turn around and walk out of the door like everyone else did. It was in vain. No one could ever be with Keith. The flames in his chest died out, leaving only a string smoke.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said with a firm and sure voice. Lance closed their distance. He too was being stubborn, wasn't he? This idiot won't bite back. Stop it, Lance.

“I’m not going to make you feel alone again.” Lance said. He didn't break away their gaze at each other nor did he away. He was expecting Keith to hurt him and he was  _ okay _ with it. "Keith, the only reason you want to be alone is that you feel like you don't deserve to receive any form of love.”

He stopped. Everything stopped. And like a how it all fell apart, this time it fell into the right places. It's colliding into him with sheer force of realization. It hit him. It hit right on the spot he so badly tried hard to defend, to hide.

He wasn't afraid to be touched, he was horrified of feeling their warmth, their care, their love. He felt that he didn't deserve to be treated with such love that could make him let others in and hurt him all over again. It grew deep into the core of his subconscious that it translated to every form of touch and interaction with others. He was rejecting to be loved by anyone.

"You deserve to be loved and you  _ are  _ loved."

Keith dropped onto his knees and brought his hands up to wipe his face repeatedly as the tears shed harder. The room was silent with his loud wails. He blurrily saw Lance crouching down, both hands hovering reluctantly near Keith. 

It hurt. It hurt so much. He didn’t know why. It burned his whole body alive with relief. A foreign warm feeling nestled in him.

For so long, for the first time in all his life, he laid his sword down and let someone into his heart.

  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~

The office was comfortably familiar to a normal household. His psychologist Dr. Takahashi Shirogane and him sat on cozy couches in front of a glass wall that's revealing the beautiful blue horizon. Various books were organized neatly behind the desk and the flowers finally bloomed in the small plant pots.

Shiro tapped his pen onto the armchair in a steady rhythm. His face scrunched up, thoughtfully taking in what Keith had just shared to him. Keith's restlessness increased with each tap. He bounced his leg as he waited for an answer.

"Instead of finding ways like that, how about you ask him directly?" He suggested

"What?! I- I can't do that, doc!"

Shiro sighed, but not in a way that he's tired or done. " I understand that this is your first time and you're still mustering up the courage to do it, but wouldn't it be more pleasant if he knew what's coming and welcomes it?"

Keith melted his body and limbs into the couch, huffing a breath. "I guess so." He thought about it for awhile and maybe it's as bad as he thought if he directly ask. Lance is a kind person after all despite his obnoxious attitude. "Alright, I'll do it."

Shiro chuckled. "That's great. I'm proud of you, Keith."

He's been seeing Shiro for six years now and it will end soon because Keith's treatment plan was going well. It was quite a journey he spent in this office. They went through the usual process. He determined that he'd stop seeing Shiro weekly from now on.

"Thank you, Shiro, for everything," he said meaningfully when they're done wrapping things up.

"Anytime, Keith." Shiro waved him a goodbye.

Coming home to an idiot wasn't so bad. Lance was still stealing his clothings despite Keith's protests but he gave in anyway. He wasn't going on dates with them anymore, but as a revenge, Keith hid his underwears (though, he regretted it as soon as Lance gave him a dirty smug face upon holding Keith's from the drawer). (Long story short, he ended up giving back the underwears).

They were back to their usual dynamic. Some bickering here and there. Lots of fond insults and pep talks along the way. At the end, they were a good team going through life together. (except for washing the dishes. Dammit, Lance, wash your own spoons.)

They've been going out for nearly a year and he was very respectful of Keith's boundaries. He was always careful when being physically close to him and always ask for consent even if he still managed to irritate Keith (a talent indeed). Like how he was  _ very  _ curious to see Keith's scars. He didn't mind showing them and let Lance feel the unique bumps. His eyes sparkled like child, saying something about having cool battle scars as a trophy for Keith's victory. No matter how much Keith leaned to him, he knew it had to be his call for every time they touch.

"Keith? My buddy? My man?"

Keith crossed his arms, looking away.

"Aw, come on, it wasn't that bad."

"You forced me to watch  _ eight seasons  _ of this show just to see the witch lady throw a childish tantrum to the whole universe at the end and see my favourite character be  _ depressed  _ for the rest of his life. Why did I even bother finishing it."

"Well, the at least the red paladin looks cute to watch." He giggled.

Keith rolled his eyes fondly. He stared at his back as Lance reached for the TV remote on the coffee table. He imagined the scene many, way too many times in his head. His heart shouldn't be pounding this hard out of his body. Keith wiped the sweat on his palms on his shirt and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Lance?"

"Hm?" He looks up at him.

"Can I… "Keith bit his bottom lip, averting his eyes. "Can I hug you?"

What was his reaction? Keith didn't want to see. Oh no, he's quiet. Was this a mistake? Was his timing wrong?

He heard a soft chuckle. "Come'ere, you cuddly sap."

Lance smiled, his ocean eyes swam full of love. He opened his arms wide and welcoming. Shoulders slacked with an endearing gaze. Keith leaned in willingly, he sighed into the warm embrace and melted by the caress on his nape. It’s his new home. The one where touch wasn’t a harm.

He found out that he loves physical contact and being held after all.

**Author's Note:**

> My Klance Tumblr is purple-hunter  
> Feel free to message me there or check out my blog


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